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  • Intimacy, tech and LGB relationships

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  • Intimacy, tech and LGB relationships

    Needless to say, I’m invested. I’m also a pretty avid Instagram user. It allows a low barrier-to-entry method of snapping stylish photos and sharing them with friends. However, there was a recent dust up with Instagram selling its users’ photos without their permission. In word shitty. I hated that notion. I’ve still used Instagram since then, but their policy could change at any time and very likely will. That said, there’s a big idea out there and it’s not a new one: Own your shit! That is, if I snap a photo or share something it’s mine. Mine to sell, mine to do with whatever I want. It’s effing mine! And that choice should exist for everyone. I’m not saying you have to go and have your own data or creative thoughts, but why wouldn’t you want to? At the very least people must have the choice and not be worried about someone flipping a switch and changing the policy on them on an at-will basis. That’s why the creation of ‘PressGram‘ is important. It is a big idea that combines two things that are important to me: WordPress and Owning your creative shit.

    Boom! The Kickstarter project for PressGram is looking to raise 50k and he’s just shy of 5k to complete this project. I’ve kicked in $101 bucks myself because I do belive in the project and I want a rad shirt, dammit! The project is close to getting the traction it needs, but it still needs YOUR help! Get on board and get moving on supporting a project that’s about more than a cool app, it’s about owning your creative awesomeness. If you need more incentive, this guy, Chris Lema, wants to offer you further incentive to kick-in. For those of you developing products/startups then he’s a guy that you want to speak with. So, will you support PressGram with me?   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!wikipedia ashley madison Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Asides, News Tagged in: instagram, kickstarter, pressgram Few events in life can be as earth-shattering as a bad breakup. While some lucky people seem to have their soulmate dropped conveniently into their lap about the time that hormones start flying, most of us will go through at least one genuinely horrible breakup in our lives. However, things are as dire as at the beginning, when you stare at the bottom of another carton of ice-cream.

    The truth is, even bad breakups can make you more empowered. Stages of a Breakup Of course, people are not supposed to go from the breakup directly into self-help mode; there are a few stages to navigate first. Stage #1: Falling Apart The first stage involves crying your eyes out and sleepless nights of despair. When you manage to fall asleep, the once beautiful butterflies in your stomach, now turned moths, wake you up:  “Did we really break up or was it just a nightmare?” Stage #2: Going Postal You feel visceral anger whenever someone mentions your ex by name. You’re mad at them for not appreciating you, for taking you for given, for all the fights you had. But you’re also outraged at yourself; you can’t believe you let them get away with it for so long. In this stage, you get rid of everything reminding you of them, from their gifts to their number on your smartphone. Your friends become collateral victims of your breakup, they have to listen to your rants every day. Stage #3: Numbness Now that you vented your anger, you start feeling an unusual sense of calm. You simply don’t care anymore and start realizing you’re better off without your ex. You don’t feel the need to speak with them, and you’re pleasantly surprised when a whole day flies by without them even popping into your mind. However, in this phase, there are still some residual feelings.

    If someone mentions them or if, God forbid, you see them, you receive emotional and go back to venting or even crying. Luckily, this doesn’t last long; the next morning, you’re as good as new. Stage #4: Comfortable Numbness You’re finally okay; there are no emotional outbursts, even in the situations mentioned above. You spend time with your friends without venting and get your life back on track. But, bear in mind that this stage is crucial. This stage is where you decide if you will lead a comfortably numb life or you will grow as a person. It takes just a little shift in your attitude to reach the fifth stage, empowerment. Personal Growth Following the Breakup After going through the very first terrible stages, it is possible to see that there are ( at least) five blessings in disguise of a bad breakup. 1. You become more focused One of the most crucial steps to finding self-empowerment after a breakup is to regain your focus.

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    The chances are that the dying stages of a relationship took some of that focus away. On the other hand, the shock of a sudden breakup might have caused you to lose sight of what is essential.

    Now, you can put all that aside and concentrate on what is actually important. For many, that will mean work. With no more distractions from your personal life, you’ll become more productive. Thus, a breakup could be the catalyst for a promotion or a raise. You may even use the free time you now have on your hands to earn some extra money, save up, and go on that trip you had always dreamed of. For others, it could mean more time with friends and family, especially if they love and value you even when you’re ranting. You can focus more on their problems and give them advice according to your experience. 2. You become a better version of yourself Being rid of the dead weight of an unfulfilling relationship means that you receive a lot more “you-time.” Use it to focus on what is important for you. It does not necessarily have to be all about getting a job or learning a skill, although those certainly count. If it is valuable and worthwhile so that you can take the time to go travel, then do it. If not, find who you are making peace with that person, even if it means looking at some uncomfortable memories from the past.

    With detachment comes objectivity: you will be able to admit the mistakes you made in the relationship and learn what you have to work on. On the other hand, you should also think about all the times you took the blame; was it truly your fault? You will know what you (don’t) want from your next relationship. 3. You become healthier For many people, finding time to get healthier is a significant component of finding time for themselves. In the beginning, exercising can help you stress less about your relationship going splitsville. After all, it is hard to hear the rest of the world when you are sprinting or spinning at full pace. Also, the law is much more understanding about taking out your post-breakup rage on a punching bag rather than on your ex. Speaking of finding vengeance on your ex, everyone has that dream of ‘casually’ running into them after a major body transformation. You can make yours, at least partially, a reality. 4. You become more confident Working out and spending more time on yourself is also a vital key to empowerment in that you will find yourself more confident. You could have all the skills and charm in the world, but if you lack confidence, it is for nothing. After a breakup, you’ll have more time to do things on your own, which will make you more independent. Stepping out of your comfort zone without being harmed, as well as going through a breakup without many bruises, makes you feel invincible. You may soon find yourself believing in yourself more than ever.

    This is crucial – when you start to base your self-worth on an internal motivation instead of what someone else thinks of you, you are not merely on the road to self-empowerment, but you are almost there. 5. You become happier Above all else, finding self-empowerment after a breakup can lead to greater happiness. No one wants to be unhappy, but so few people achieve real lasting happiness. Being focused, self-aware, healthy, and confident is a winning recipe for success both in and out of the romance world. Simply put, one of the primary purposes of a relationship is to help you find happiness. However, no one can perpetually provide that level of joy. Instead, it can only come from you. Look for the person who uses it as fuel for an even brighter flame.

    a final stage: Empowerment Hopefully, now you can see that breakups are not the end of the world. Sure, that high school flame may have been cute, but you left for college afterward without anyone tying you down. While it may not seem like it at the moment, being able to push through and become empowered from a breakup can help make sure that you get the most of the relationship in the end.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook25Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Relationships Tagged in: breakup, relationship These days, you’d be hard pushed to find someone under 40 who hasn’t used a dating website or app at some point in their lives. In the digital age, where many aspects of our lives are moving online, it was inevitable that dating would eventually end up in the online sphere, too. Online dating comes with its difficulties, though: how do you open the conversation? How do you ask someone on a date in the real world? Here are 6 tips and examples of how to get the most out of online dating. Make it interesting Unlike in real life, it’s very easy to just ignore someone online if they don’t interest you from the get-go.

    With so many people messaging each other, you have to make yourself be noticeable from the crowd. Say ‘hi’ with a twist, mix up your messaging style – why not even use a writing tool to really impress them? Tools such as StateofWriting and Academized can really take your writing up a notch, helping you create messages that are different and well put together.

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    Example: Bonjourno! I’m Tom. How’s it going? Tailor your content We all, deep down, believe we are unique. Don’t send out blanket messages to people with no personal detail in there – engage with their pictures, their bio, ask questions to show that you have been paying attention, and you will find that your interactions become much more successful and effective! Example: I see from your picture that you’ve been to Paris, what was it like? I’ve always wanted to go! Keep it light Don’t get all heavy and tell people your lifetime story when you’ve only been speaking to someone for a short while.

    Be upbeat, funny, and keep the conversational enjoyable for both of you. the interaction, the more likely it is to become a real-life date. Example: You had me hooked as soon as you mentioned pizza. Be a mirror This can be a tricky one for some people, even face-to-face. “Try and give as much as they give, in terms of message length and tone, and don’t dominate the conversation an excessive amount of, as it is annoying as it is in real life! Make sure you are asking questions, leaving room for a good amount of back-and-forth”, – says Evelyn Nelson, a Personal Development writer at Essayroo. Example: Where did you go to university? What did you study? Don’t be shallow! Telling someone how gorgeous and sexy they’re gets old – fast. Women especially hate being complimented too much online, as it makes them wary about the motive of the other person, and undoubtedly men feel the same way. If you’re already talking online, then obvious there is some physical attraction there; you don’t need to labor the point by repeating how attractive they are! That said, flirting is more than fine. Using flirty words that are not necessarily associated with appearance is always a good way to go.

    Example: It’s great that we both love to travel! How about we compare photos over a drink sometime? Bring it into the real world Online dating is quite pointless if it doesn’t progress into in real life date. It can be tricky to know when to suggest a date: too soon, and they might run away; too late, they might have become bored. “It is always risky, but your gut knows whether your chemistry is good enough to translate into the real world. Try and make it as seamless as possible, suggesting something that you have already discussed as a possible date idea”, – explains Carlos Richardson, a Personal Coach at Boomessays and Ukwritings. Example: So, you know how much we both love Mexican food? There’s a new street food place just opened that do the very best burritos. How about we go sometime next week? The online dating world does not need to be daunting. It is a great, easy way to meet interesting people from all different walks of life, who you would not necessarily encounter any other way. Of course, there will always people who don’t reply, for whatever reason, but don’t take it personally. The brilliant thing about online dating is that there are thousands of other people at your fingertips, and they might well just be the one for you! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: Dating, emails, messages, Online Dating At the age of 40 Jackie was 5 stones over-weight, at the time she was managing her own company, and raising two kids.

    Truly the only thing missing in life was sex. “I felt like my figure had become completely unappealing. I didn’t want to become nude even with my husband,” she states. But it wasn’t just the additional body weight that was making her become non-sexual: “I became consumed by all the things I was doing for people and had lost a feeling of my personal wonder and I needed that, to become passionate.” Sexuality is truly complex. It’s not like a switch that your turn on or off. If you’re exhausted after work or have minimal occasion to spend time for “me time” or you’re unhappy with your body all these issues can reduce your reaction to sex. Exhaustion can knock the libido, even women who was good sleepers may start experiencing broken sleep patterns in midlife, as hormonal changes occur, evening sweats and early morning awakenings begin. A US National Sleep basis poll uncovered that 1 in 5 of individuals which aren’t getting enough rest assert they’re too tired for love making, in a survey in 2012, 60% wanted rest more than loving. Psychological anxiety, the worldwide bane of multitasking individuals, doesn’t help. Experts revealed in 2010 that the anxiety hormone cortisol can block the effects of testosterone so our busy, hot-bed lives can end up reducing our sexual desire. But simply as the needs of lifestyle weaken your craving for sex, the following lifestyle changes can improve your attachment with your sensual side: Exercise Not only will repeated cardiovascular exercise help your keep the body weight under control and cause you to become happier with the body in general, but it also gives you increased vigour, stamina and decreases stress, all important elements of an excellent sex life. Studies produced, show that those fitter amongst us tend to feel better about ourselves and enjoy more loving. Workout increases blood flow to the private areas, which often improves arousal. We don’t need to be an athlete.

    Going for a fast stroll 3 times a week can help. Choose a healthy diet There’s proof that eating loads of salad, fruit, veg, fish, and grains build sexual desire. Discover how to de-stress Since cortisol physically inhibits desire, it’s vital to select methods to calm down, maybe take up yoga, socialise more with friends, or enjoy a hot tub after work. Just enjoy it – you maybe surprised Additionally, if you’re not completely in the mood, research demonstrates that women’s sexual reaction varies from men’s, as they may not experience the spontaneous need to bond. But if you could relax and forget about the days stress as well as the “to do” list and simply start kissing and caressing your man, you’ll possibly get warmed up. Females feel that if they don’t appear as sexy as they did in late teens and early twenties, there must be something completely wrong. But in fact the move from impulsive sexual desire to a more responsive flow is actually completely normal. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Sex, Tips & Advice, Uncategorized Tagged in: libido, Sex, sex life I own a copy of 50 shades of Grey…but I’ve proudly never read it. I know the arguments and I know the synopsis. Woman meets tortured soul who gives her great, if not strange sex and she apparently “changes” him. That’s great and lovely but are we really going to ignore the subtle hint of simulated rape and abuse? I’m not.

    When I was in college I had my very own 50 Shades of Grey experience. It was not exciting and mysterious but dirty ( not the good kind), twisted and during a time when I couldn’t love myself. He wasn’t tall, dark and handsome…wait, handsome, yes. He was witty, the kind of man who could twist your words making a “no” seem like you had just said “take me, I’m yours”. From the first day we met, I was smitten. We were in the same class and quickly became friends. We talked…a lot. Talking became flirty texting and from there, well, you can imagine. I found out he was into S&M the very first time we were together and, initially, felt it was very exotic and kinky. I was a naive freshman in college with no idea of the world of crazy he would get me into. I had belts around my neck, ties around my wrists and strange location tags on my cell phone. I would skip class to seedy motels, only to go back and pretend it never happened.

    He began to play emotionally with me, making me feel guilty or emotionally attached to him. I admit, I think I was addicted to the strange thrill of it all. I was not in love, I was infatuated with his mystery and what I believed was intrigue. It all hurt though and my friends began to worry about me when I suddenly became distant, pulled away and started thinking only about him. The semesters went by. One day he told me he was going on a study abroad trip and would be gone for a year. I was heartbroken and confused, why would he leave me like this? What would I do?

    Feeling lost and not knowing how to proceed, I blurted out “I love you”, regretting it immediately after it was said. To my surprise, however, he said it back. Now, think about it, because I did. This man, when it came down to it, was not some tortured, misunderstood soul but a mixed up evil genius. a emotional blender to my heart who only wanted to make me think he would come back. I sounded pathetic. So I let him go and moved on. It was like a drug and I quit cold turkey. The whole experience took about a year and a half of on and off playing with hearts and souls and left me feeling worthless. So now, when I see this woman, banking on the emotional abuse that one man causes this woman, I can’t help but feel sick. I feel sick that I never thought of it first and I feel sick that someone actually had the lack of heart to publish such a thing.

    I understand that there is such a thing as S&M, kinkyness and bondage and it can be fun but really, when its between a loving and caring couple, it’s different. When its between a man who never said “I love you” until it was too late, it’s just abuse. I understand the arguments and accept them. Yes, it was my fault for being strung along and I do feel so stupid for putting up with it, however, that still doesn’t make it ok. Are you really going to tell me differently? -VG Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook1Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Featured, Sex Tagged in: abuse, BDSM, Hookups, relationship, Sex Attention insecure married women or women in relationships! I’m so sorry.

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